Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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