I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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