it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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