you traded sex for a burrito?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
