Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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