You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
