Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
