Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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