I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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