If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
