I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Randomize
