Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
