I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
