he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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