You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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