make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
