Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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