SEEEEXXX PLEASE
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Too much gin, very little bucket
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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