I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
