it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
