Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
