My liver just broke up with me...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
