so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
