Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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