Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
