I'm really into asian looking animals
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
