do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
