Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
