He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
