i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
