VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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