idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
