Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
