Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It's rum buckets o'clock
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
