I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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