i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
