i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
