she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
