I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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