so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
