Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
