My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
