I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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