At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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