There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
