It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
