drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
