Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
