i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
