ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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