Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Randomize
