Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Dignity is for republicans.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I have already put on my inside pants.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
